January 29, 2011
Today is especially hard for me, I’m not sure why.
I woke up okay.
I rolled over, tumbled a bit, drank some green tea, and ate some cookies. I thought something sweet might help my day. I watched Boy Meets World too.
But I don’t feel okay.
I feel sick to my stomach. I am so confused. I’m not sure if it’s time for me to leave, or not.
Last night, I was so annoyed with you and me, and just everything.
I wanted to talk, but had little to say; you sat there and just texted away.
It’s really fucking annoying. Don’t call someone to just lay there and not respond to them, but to someone else. Thanks.
I told you after that this is how you were right before I left the last time.
You told me that I was just high, and we were both tired, and needed sleep.
I mumbled something to myself, but I don’t remember what.
It’s so hard being friends with you.
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I don’t think being best friends with an ex is ever a good idea.
I think it’s best to have ended the relationship completely before.
I don’t know why I’ve tried so hard for the past year to make it work.
It’s not working.
Someone always feeling more than they should.
Someone always feels nothing at all.
I honestly can’t take it anymore.
Do you know how many times a day I contemplate actually telling you how I feel all over again, but talk myself out of it because I don’t want to be impulsive and irrational?
Every day. I don’t think it’s impulsive anymore. I think it’s raw thought.
I don’t know what to do, honestly.
But I can’t keep doing this for you.
Today is going to be a difficult day; I already know it.
I’m sad, but I can’t tell you why.
Maybe it’s just one of those times that I’m not really annoyed of you, but more of myself.
I’m just tired of myself.
