January 29, 2011

Today is especially hard for me, I’m not sure why.
I woke up okay.
I rolled over, tumbled a bit, drank some green tea, and ate some cookies. I thought something sweet might help my day. I watched Boy Meets World too.
But I don’t feel okay.
I feel sick to my stomach. I am so confused. I’m not sure if it’s time for me to leave, or not.
Last night, I was so annoyed with you and me, and just everything.
I wanted to talk, but had little to say; you sat there and just texted away.
It’s really fucking annoying. Don’t call someone to just lay there and not respond to them, but to someone else. Thanks.
I told you after that this is how you were right before I left the last time.
You told me that I was just high, and we were both tired, and needed sleep.
I mumbled something to myself, but I don’t remember what.

It’s so hard being friends with you.
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I don’t think being best friends with an ex is ever a good idea.
I think it’s best to have ended the relationship completely before.
I don’t know why I’ve tried so hard for the past year to make it work.
It’s not working.
Someone always feeling more than they should.
Someone always feels nothing at all.
I honestly can’t take it anymore.
Do you know how many times a day I contemplate actually telling you how I feel all over again, but talk myself out of it because I don’t want to be impulsive and irrational?
Every day. I don’t think it’s impulsive anymore. I think it’s raw thought.
I don’t know what to do, honestly.
But I can’t keep doing this for you.

Today is going to be a difficult day; I already know it.
I’m sad, but I can’t tell you why.
Maybe it’s just one of those times that I’m not really annoyed of you, but more of myself.
I’m just tired of myself.

"What is being awake if not interpreting our dreams, or dreaming if not interpreting our wake?"

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"It was getting hard to keep all the things I didn’t know inside me."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you don’t understand for someone you love."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"How beautiful is forgetting. What relief it would be for the world to lose some of its contents."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"I write, I try not to remember the life that I didn’t want to lose but lost and have to remember."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"I try not to remember the life that I didn’t want to lose but lost and have to remember."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"I am doing something I hate for you. This is what it means to be in love."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)

"I did not need to know if he could love me.
I needed to know if he could need me."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via She was a Hurricane.)